you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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