he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
3 2 1 whiskey
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
