I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Randomize
