ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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