take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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