She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
