Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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