SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
