What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
