hell yes lets make some ravioli
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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