I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
