I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I did not marry a roomba.
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