I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Randomize
