drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
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