I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
