oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I got her a Nickelback box set.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
