Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
