my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize