You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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