giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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