She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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