what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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