I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
