I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I'm determined to sit on that face.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
