omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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