I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I am midnight drunk by noon
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
