I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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