its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
You ruined the universe
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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