I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
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