I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
