do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
