I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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