i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
