Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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