I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize