I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
