you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
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