who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
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