when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
