he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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