Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
