Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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