Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
