I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize