she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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