The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
