Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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