Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
They have beer where we have blood.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
