He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
