Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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