Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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