So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
