Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
