Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
