I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize