Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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