my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
