You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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