today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
