you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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