I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
