sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Randomize
