I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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