I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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