my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Randomize