So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
