He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
