But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
