I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
