I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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