So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
