I want to make a zoo with you.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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