I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize