I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
