piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
