Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
