I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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