It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
